On a recent soul coaching call there was a reference and conversation around inclusivity. Which was shortly after I’d received a call from my real estate agent asking if i’d be open to potentially moving out of our home earlier than our lease end date.
Both experiences led me down the path of wondering….. Here at a soul filled home, in all the conversations we have around creating a home that aligns with your souls why, your hearts calling… for me its a given that the conversations are relevant whether you own your own home or are currently renting. That the theory, the practices and concepts all translate across the board regardless.
So in the interest of setting the table and making sure we’re all at the same party. This space and the conversations had here are for both home owners and renters. Of course there will be some conversations and topics that lean more towards home owners with a dream to build &/or renovating, however, as a whole, you are so welcome to take a seat and participate in the conversations regardless.
With that being said, I share alot about my experiences, my home and it’s design, the impact that it has on the connection I have with myself, with my boys, how it supports my souls bigger why. What has been highlighted to me, is that perhaps it’s not common knowledge that i am in fact currently renting. And to bring full truth and transparency, have been since the close of my marriage almost 7 years ago.
It’s taken a really really really long time for me to shift my mindset around renting vs owning my own home. I held a deeply ingrained belief that to be able to call somewhere home, it meant that I needed to be the owner. That if I was renting it meant that it wasn’t my home. And if it wasn’t my home then I couldn’t truly settle in emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. For years we didn’t unpack boxes, I’d convinced myself because we were renting we couldn’t truly life the way that I wanted.
Somatically the experience was one of tension..
of being on edge, you know the shallow breathing, the sense of needing to be ready to move at a moments notice. Sitting on the edge of your seat waiting for whats to come next. Almost too scared to lean back and sink in to the chair and get comfortable. And when you think about what its like for your body to be in that state, to be experiencing those things, how can you possibly be connected to yourself let alone your loved ones?
We’ve been living in our current rental for almost 5 years. To the boys and I it’s our home. We have set it up in a way that works for us, it supports us and we’re all thriving. So when my real estate agent rang recently and asked if we’d be open to moving out 8 mths prior to our lease ending… initially panic kicked in, but that was then quickly replaced with the excitement of being able to create a new home, having the flexibility of exploring what it might look and feel like to live in a different suburb. To discover a new area with new parks, walking routes, cafes, restaurants etc.
As an Airies and someone who once I’ve made a decision I’m all in…..all action stations lets go. So I dived in and had some fun looking at different homes in different locations. My only real list to start with was the number of bedrooms and that there be two living areas. Other than that, I was fairly open. Well, I thought I was and that’s what I was telling myself. Until the panic and I think despondency quickly kicked in. I was looking at homes with the certain number of bedrooms and 2 living areas, working off of my non-negotiable list, but it wasn’t feeling right and I couldn’t put my finger on why.
Taking a breather, having a chance to drop deeper into reflection, that’s when I realised my non-negotiable list was actually alot larger AND it was missing the most important item, which was our desired lifestyle. It was missing the non-negotiable things that support our alignment with soul. Such an obvious thing, it’s the foundational piece that everything else spring boards from…. In my excitement to dive in, I forgot all about it.
Expanding on that topic of desired lifestyle and soul alignment. Its really different for each of us isn’t it. What supports my soul isn’t necessarily going to be the same thing or things that support your soul and you living your bigger why.
How do you know what that is?
Honestly I think the simplest way and best starting point is to set aside a period of time, let’s say it’s a week. So over the course of a week, you have the intention of being alittle bit more presence, a little bit more consciousness in how you move through your day. And keeping notes throughout the day as you notice things like the different routines, habits, rituals you have. How you move through each room of your home, how does each room make you feel? Do you spend more time in one room over another. Why is that. Do you use different rooms during different times of the day. Again, why is that. Are there certain rooms that you all seem to gather in or rooms that you all seem to avoid. Why. How do you feel energetically, physically, emotionally at the end of the day. Are you dragging yourself across the finish line or are you racing across it in leaps and bounds fired up to go again. That can be further pulled apart, what filled you up during the day? What zapped your energy. Was that a one off or is that a regular thing in your day. If it’s regular, what can you be doing to support yourself in nourishing yourself and refilling your cup each day. Does that tie into your having a particular ritual and habit. What is that? Is it soaking in the bath at the end of the day, is it having 10min in the morning when the house is still to mediate and journal AND having a particular corner or area in your home that’s set up for that sole purpose. Everyone in the home knows thats your space and they’re to stay away.
Obviously within a home and when you’re renting, there are certain things that are fixed and you’re not able to influence, like the design and layout of the home. On the flip side of that coin, there are things that can be altered, that you are able to influence and create. I guess the point to all of this, is when you are armed with knowledge and awareness, you are placing yourself in a stronger position to be able to make conscious decisions. In looking for a new home to rent, you’re now armed with your non-negotiable list which includes the foundational pieces that support your unique lifestyle and alignment with soul (that was the items we touched on earlier). If you then find yourself in a position where you’re needing to compromise, you’re doing that from a place of conscious empowerment.
A practical example
to the degree that it’s helpful in landing some of this,…. the things that light up my soul are;
- having an east facing bedroom so that I can wake to the sun rising and all the different colours in the sky in the mornings. It helps me connect and drop into my day.
- It’s a studio space that for a large part of the day is filled with the sun streaming in and has views to an outdoor space, which I find grounding.
- It’s having a north facing living area that is connected to a garden area because as a creative I like the visual variatey when I’m creating and I also like to soak up as much of the sun streaming in as I can.
- This in one of my huge design bug bears….. Its having a long, uninterrupted island bench, without the sink smack bang in the middle. Thats because I like to cook with my eldest son, its a ritual and habit he and i have, it’s a opportunity for fostering our connection that he and I value. and we have a particular intuitive, natural style i guess, of how we cook together. And that is standing side by side at the island bench with our own chopping boards and all the ingredients spread out on the island bench in front of us. We can’t do that is the sink is smack bang in the middle of the bench!
- Of course there’s then the practial things like number of bedrooms etc.
Of course, I am very aware and acknowledge that in renting, whilst we can have this list, armed with the deeper level of awareness, there can be alot of moving parts and sometimes things don’t always align as we’d like. Maybe the silver lining in those circumstances, is that armed with your new awareness, you are able to make conscious and creative choices that balance out the compromises.
Reach out to me my love if you would like to chat more about what those conscious and creative choices could look like. I’m so open to supporting you and having the deeper creative conversation.